To all my critics in jest :P

To: A_Kettle@poetry-critique-boutique.com
From: Blake7@Romantics-r-us.com
Sent: 17:94

Hi – Could you please give me some feedback on this short poem I wrote – I’m thinking of trying to get it published and was wondering what sort of publisher might be interested.

THE TYGER

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

Cheers,

Bill

P.S. There are another five verses to this poem which are equally good. I am thinking of trying to publish the whole poem with a few others under the title ‘Songs Of Experience’.

P.P.S. I’ve also drawn a picture of a tiger to go with the poem but I couldn’t get it into .jpg format to send.

P.P.P.S. I am sure it would sell loads.

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To : Blake7@romantics-r-us.com
From : A_Kettle@poetry-critique-boutique.com
Sent:19:79

Bill,

Welcome to PCB! I hope you will find our poetry critiques useful in helping to develop your poetic skills further.

On reading your poem I was immediately struck by your poem’s rather adventurous subject – the tiger. In general I think that the best subjects for poems come from our own experiences. I am somewhat sceptical that you have much tiger-time under your belt and I’m assuming the title of your proposed poetry collection/leaflet is meant to be ironic.

On to the poem proper:


‘Tyger! Tyger! burning bright‘


Again I presume you are deliberately misspelling tiger with a ‘y’ – Although such misspelling are popular amongst the youth or ‘yoof’ of today, such alternative spellings simply distract from the meaning of the words and should be avoided if possible.

In your first line you have used both unnecessary capitalisation and exclamation marks. What does this achieve? In general, if a word does not immediately strike you, then an exclamation mark is probably a hindrance rather than a help.

I have also noticed your attempt to use rhyme in your poetry. This is an all too common mistake. Hackneyed rhymes like ‘night’ and ‘bright’ have no place in serious poetry.

Rhyme does however, still have a place in children’s poetry. Since you have drawn a nice picture of a tiger, would I be mistaken if I said you were aiming for the child market?

If so then the first two lines are good (apart from punctuation and spelling – see above). Unfortunately, the next two lines use rather difficult language for a 5 or 6 year old. In fact the language is somewhat anarchic to say the least!


What immortal hand or eye
Could frame [thy ?] fearful symmetry?


No doubt you are aware that ‘Symmetry’ does not rhyme with ‘eye’, but even so, such an attempted rhyme is an excellent example of why trying to squeeze a poem into rhyme and meter is generally such a bad idea for serious poems.

If you do want to maintain your rhyme and meter for the sake of your target market you will need to do so using the clear simple language, that is so important in children’s poetry. I hope you don’t mind if I make the following suggestion:


Tiger, tiger, burning bright,
In the forest, in the night
I wish I had my camera lens,
I’d take a picture for my friend.


I’m sure you’ll agree this almost keeps the meaning of the original but makes it so much more accessible to the child audience.

On the other hand, if you intend this as a serious piece – I would suggest ditching the rhyme and the form altogether. The haiku style of poetry might suit your purpose. For example:


Orange, Black
Night falls on the forest
Mortal
We cannot see


I’m sure you’ll agree that this approach has much to offer.

On a final note: Although you may find this a little harsh, I am rather sceptical of your hope that your ‘Songs Of Experience’ would ‘sell loads’. I also think you’ll find that the wider publishing community, and indeed, the general public, will share my scepticism.

I would not however, want to dissuade you, in any way, from self-publishing. A small run of around 20 copies would be perfect if you wanted to share your poetry with any friends, family and other ‘admirers’ you may accumulate during your lifetime.


Good Luck in your Efforts

Regards,
Alan
A_Kettle@poetry-critique-boutiqe.com

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To: A_Kettle@poetry-critique-boutique.com
From: Blake7@Romantics-r-us.com
Time Sent: 20:09


Sceptik! Sceptik! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?


:P

Bill.